contemplation and reflection

Another year is drawing to a close.

I sit here. 

Alone. 

Again.

Thinking.

Reflecting…

Layoffs.

A birthday gift –  a trip down memory lane –  caught me off-guard last year…
Filled me with hope until...

More Layoffs…

An then…

Betrayal. Again. 

Did I learn my lesson yet..?

Cancer.

Reconnection with more hope. 

A heart attack scare turns out to be anxiety from work stress.

Surgery and God's grace and blessings upon my family.

More work stress.

Entertaining friends for the holidays.

But the new year shone a light on weaknesses
 and a friendship disintegrates once again.
Lesson learned. 

It's been a rocky road this past birth year.
There has been much pain
and hurt
and loneliness
and obstacles upon obstacles. 

I sit here.

In reflection.

Alone in that I'm seeing another year close
still single
but ultimately not alone
 because I feel God within my heart.
And more importantly, I have my family...
we've survived much and we will survive the challenges before us now.
They are my saving grace – encouraging, supporting and loving me unconditionally. 

And then there are those few select friends who do stick around.
They give me strength,
accepting me even when I close in upon myself to hibernate
 while I exercise out whatever demons may be plaguing me...
and when I emerge from my cave little by little,
they appear beside me, extending a hand...
helping to breathe life back into me so I can face the world again.

So yes, another year closing
and my circle continues to grow smaller. 

But the gems that surround me today
are worth more than the rocks and pebbles
that the waves have washed away.

Happy birthday to me.
I am blessed.